


The Sign

by salamandererg



Category: Inception (2010)
Genre: Crack, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-11
Updated: 2013-11-11
Packaged: 2018-01-01 03:36:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 921
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1039889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/salamandererg/pseuds/salamandererg
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Summary:  Instead of heavily armed projections, attack dogs, tanks, missiles, and, hell, T-1000s, Arthur’s subconscious security is a fusion of Katy Perry, Lady GaGa, and Madonna music videos set to the tune of a catchy pop song from the nineties sung by a band from Sweden.</p>
<p>Ariadne and Eames goes into Arthur’s subconscious as a practice run, they all mentally prepare themselves for gunfire and pain, what they get is Ace of Base sung by a cute blonde girl in hot pants.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Sign

**Author's Note:**

> Total crack, not sorry about it.

Eames was not surprised (but a little let down) by how bland and droll Arthur’s projections were. They were dressed in black and white, most wearing large jackets, walking in perfect straight lines up and down the sidewalk.

The landscape was a city, with architecture mostly modeled after New York and it was one that the team regularly used just for practice purposes.

The music started as soon as Ariadne stepped on to the empty street. She blinked.

“That’s not…a kick, right?”

Eames shook his head, “No, wrong music. Plus, it’s too loud.”

“Could it be from one of the buildings?”

“No, it’s like it’s coming from…” Eames trailed off as he looked towards the sky.

“Above,” Ariadne completed, also looking at the sky, which was changing drastically from overcast to bright blue. “Are you doing that?”

“Are you doing _that_?”

Ariadne looked back toward the street at the projections who were now taking off their clothes to reveal brighter, tighter clothes underneath. The music had gotten louder, now a techno pop beat, and the projections began to dance.

A skinny blonde in blue hot pants and a white t-shirt came dancing up to them, smiling brightly and looking a lot like one of the models in a clothing commercial.

_Whoa-ah, oh, yeah!_

She grabbed Eames’ jacket lapel and Ariadne’s shirt sleeve, forcibly pulling them down the sidewalk toward the rest of the dancers.

Ariadne looked at Eames in confusion, “What is going on?”

Eames shrugged, but then the blonde started mouthing the words to Ace of Base’s ‘The Sign’.

“Hey, I know this song!” Ariadne shouted, partly to be heard over the music, partly because she was pleasantly surprised. The blonde projection in front of them seemed to catch on to her enthusiasm.

She took Ariadne’s hand and spun her around twice, pushing her into the arms of one of the male dancers. Ariadne let out a loud laugh and happily went along with it, moving as best she could to match the man’s dancing.

The street, which had previously been plain grey concrete squares, had been morphed into something resembling the night sky in _Starry Night_ , swirling and glittery. Whenever someone stepped on it, little sparks would shoot out from where their foot was.

_How could a person, like you, bring me joy?_ The blonde had wrapped Eames hands around her waist and was playfully grinding into him, sucking on a red lollipop too provocatively for her girl-next-door looks, before sprinting off with a flirty grin to join Ariadne. Who seemed more than happy to have the attention, especially since that attention entailed whipped cream being sprayed directly into her mouth.

Eames was momentarily distracted by a large, hairy man in a blue wig and a seashell bra pinching his ass. Eames politely stepped aside and scanned the group of projections dressed in feather headdresses, sequin rompers, and some only in shiny ribbon bikinis and Speedos. All dancing like they were on a mixture of ecstasy and crack.

“Arthur’s subconscious is Carnivale on speed,” Eames said, more to himself than Ariadne, but she seemed to have heard him anyways.

“This is awesome! I love this! Is this what real clubs are like? How is this whipped cream can not empty yet?”

Or perhaps she was just verbalizing every thought that crossed her mind. This was not what either of them had been imagining.

When Cobb had declined from joining them with wide eyes and a quick head shake, Ariadne and Eames had assumed that there was something inherently vicious about Arthur’s subconscious security. They were expecting machine guns, missiles, tanks, rabid attack dogs, barbed wire, and maybe (with a little hope on Ariadne’s side) dinosaurs. But not…this. Not glitter and confetti and choreography and hot pants and cherry red lipstick and parades, all set to infectious pop music. There was even a foam machine, which Ariadne was happily playing in, mouthing the words and doing her best to keep up with the dancer’s choreography.

The blonde was back in front of Eames again, just staring at him, too blonde, too pretty, too perfect hair reflecting the light from all the sparklers that never seemed to burn out. She had a nasty smirk on her face, red lipstick making it seem even more sinister.

_I saw the sign! And it opened up my eyes, I saw the sign_ —but by then it was too late to defend against the pink, bedazzled gun in the blonde’s hands.

-

“That was awesome! And kind of trippy, but awesome.” Ariadne exclaims with a giant smile on her face, “I almost didn’t mind being shot at the end.”

“That,” Eames started, still in a state of awe, “was definitely not what I was expecting.” He pulled the needle from his skin and tried not to look as impressed as he was, “It was also the most ridiculous defense I’ve ever seen.”

Arthur smiled smugly at Eames as he sat up in the lawn chair, “Yeah, but were you paying attention to me, or were you paying attention to the girl in the hot pants?”

“What song was it this time?” Cobb asked from over at his desk, sipping some coffee.

Ariadne looked even more excited, “Wait, there are different songs? What song was it when you went in?”

Cobb paused and looked up, “Cher, ‘If I Could Turn Back Time’. And it was raining skittles.”

Ariadne turned to Arthur, “Can we practice some more? Please?”

\--

Ariadne spent the entire afternoon sketching cathedrals, humming.


End file.
